DYSTOPIAN STORY

The wonderful olympics was set in London because London won the vote. It seemed the Olympics would be a fantastic one because of that wonderful sun.They believe for a great summer.

However the gigantic world has been taken over by crazy,out of control,wild and evil robots. They are vicious robots which are horrible to each other, they eat each other with their sharp teeth that operate like a chainsaw.Before the took charge of the world every olympian was training hard.As quick as a flash silver,metal Roberts jumped out of the dark gloomy sky.They used their chainsaws (teeth) to kill all the humans by eating them and taking their bloodily heart and eating it.Just moments later there was no more humans.All the roborts made there names they just added bot to the end.

The next cold,dark moring the robots were doing every thing that the dead human will doing.It just a month away from the biggest tournament in the massive world……..the Olympics.Proffeser burbot is working on special drug for everybody which will make not to kill each other when it comes for the  Olympics.Its a size of two big ants and  is black and red.Just 10 long hot days until the opening cermory.On the hottest day of the year,the sun was blasting down on the weak robots which melted down one by one.All the athletes had a rest today because they don’t want to overheat in the in the boiling gym.Beyond the great Olympic stadium was a dark ,gloomy prison full the dangerous robots.

Just five more days left until the Olympics .Around London there has been a terrible rumour going on.Every is talking about it.It is about prisoners going to blow up the…………STADIUM.Three scary hours left until the opening ceremony.The prisoners has escape.What is going to happen?


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4 responses to “DYSTOPIAN STORY”

  1. Christopher Waugh Avatar

    You have a very clear sequence of events that make a good foundation for a story opening.

    I notice near the end that you were thinking about how to build atmosphere by building more elements of description into your writing. This is the right thing to do.

    I suggest that you go back to the beginning and break each of your sentences up. Into new lines so that you can add greater atmosphere in between the events. Remember the option of using adverbials or perhaps relative clauses – or you could rewrite some sentences by starting with a preposition!

    Mr Waugh

    1. bosskayden Avatar
      bosskayden

      Ok mr Waugh I think I done what you mean

      1. Christopher Waugh Avatar

        I can see the changes you made, Kayden, and they are definitely moving your work in the right direction.

        Something else for you to examine closely in your own writing is whether the words make complete sense. A good way to discover problems in the way sentences are structured is to read your work aloud to someone else, and to notice each time you adjust the wording so they can understand you. If you make those changes in your writing it will make a great deal more sense.

        You are clearly making a real effort in this piece of writing and it’s going well!

        Mr Waugh

  2. Jack Durant Avatar
    Jack Durant

    Dear Kayden,

    I have just had a chance to look at your blogs – they look amazing! I really enjoyed reading your blogs and it is really nice to see that you are improving your work from the feedback you receive from Mr Waugh!

    Keep up the good work!

    Mr Durant

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